Dear Humanity, my children, my lambs, my slaves,So the question here is not so simple...
Harken to me the one and only god, hear well what I say...
In the grand scheme of my things and ways, it matters to me greatly, more than you could comprehend if you could live forever, that you each ARE who I intended you to be.
And, to this end, it is my desire that you no longer be corrupted by the various warrior words of your 'Holy' scriptures, which many liars have penned, claiming my authority for their own expansionist agendas!
The books, which claim my hand in their authorship, are not born of me!
Please stop accrediting me with such supremacist, violent bullshit! It's embarrassing!
So, as I have never made contact with you before, to the reason I'm contacting you now...
Until further notice,
these guidelines apply to one and all of you...
I've no specific preference about what you wear. I like the way pantaloons sound; that's the word not the garment, although.. satin pantaloons rustle something lovely! Mmmm, rustleyyyy.
Anyway, just be comfortable in body and mind, wear what you think suits you and dress for the weather, or not; you've freewill y'know!
I've no specific preference about which adult or adults any human adult has sex with.
You hear that Catholic Priests? I said, which ADULTS you have carnals with! It's called abstinence, not fucking-abstinence! Take heed, I'm noting your every sleazy thought and move! LEAVE the innocent alone! Hands off, you frock wearing freaks! And, for all you devious loophole seekers in the Vatican, that's both hands, all other body parts and any machine or tool!
And you can stop sniggering too, Muslim "men" - you're equally offensive to me. NO Marrying or fucking the prepubescent! Ignore the example of your paedophile idol and get your rocks off ONLY with CONSENTING adults!
For the great majority of you fabulous people, who are not kiddie fiddlers, my only request is you make good nookie! I've seen some very half-arsed and woefully shoddy shags from some of you! Don't be thinking about the gas bill or how you've got to unblock the toilet later! Mind in the moment, People, and everyone's a winner! If you're gonna get it on, get it fuckin' on! It makes it so much more interesting for me!Oh yes; one thing - whoever first thought of using spray-cream in the bedroom - kudos! So, unless you're lactose intolerant, heavy on the spray-cream, peeps; y'know, if you fancy it.Lastly on this point, I didn't spend all that time inventing top class naughty bits just for you to be prudish about them; they're naughty bits!
No pressure, just a personal preference; you understand.
For being naughty with!
And for MY sake stop chopping chunks of 'em off, or up, or what-have-you!
You mad, bloodthirsty arseholes!
They're good AS IS!
I don't know; aeons developing the perfect danglies and you mangle your child's before they've even had any real hands-on experience of what I made for 'em!
It's bloody ungrateful and very gross!!
Where was I? Oh yes...
I just want you to be the best gosh-darn human you can be.
You have to work out for yourself what that is; it's your body, your life - you figure it out!
It's your right, to use your free will, to live your life, the way you choose; just don't harm anyone else and, wherever possible, behave honourably.
The might makes right attitude of the law of the jungle ONLY applies to those living in a fuckin' jungle!!
And chaps, that does not merely apply to you!! Women and Men are exactly equal in my eyes. And for all you mad-eyed, fork-tongue clerics selling, "Equality does not mean identicality", you are completely and utterly wrong!
Women and Men are fully equal in every respect and every facet of life.!
Stop being such misogynistic, bullying arseholes and accept it immediately!
Now, on to that which is offensive...
It is an offence in my eyes if you cover your head. (on normal, pleasant days. Inclement or adverse weather or dangerous conditions exempt).
It makes knowing all your little thoughts trickier!
You don't want to get blamed for someone else's pilfering of the poor-box now, eh?
It is an offence in my eyes to cover your faces. (On normal, pleasant days. Inclement or adverse weather or dangerous conditions exempt).
I carefully and specifically sculpted each and every one of your cute little faces!
It took bloody ages and that's a god's ages mind, not your woefully short donkey's years! Oh but you should have seen them when I'd finished though; I had all your little heads, all lined up in rows ready to go...
So, I want your fellow humans to get a good eyeful of what each of you actually look like!
No spoilers but what if how one of you looks is supposed to trigger some thought in another of you, about some fabulous medical breakthrough or something?
You hadn't thought of that, had you? Well then...
On normal, pleasant days, faces out people!
Oh, and while you've got 'em out, smile more! You're alive! That's a great thing to be; enjoy the hell out of it! You only get to do it once! Try everything you fancy, no exceptions; as long as you don't hurt another in the process. Explore! Or not, it's your choice but the point is, you're free to!
It is an offence in my eyes when you unjustly punish.
When a majority of the free peoples of Earth agree it's a crime, it's a crime.
Rape is a crime, being raped is not!
To any who think otherwise, you're cordially invited to fuck, right, off!
In fact, all who think that being raped is a crime should just go and sit in the corner, facing the wall, right now, and stay there until you become civilised! Don't let your judgements be influenced by culture, family, religious or personal pressures or prejudices; weigh each incident dispassionately on the evidence! And, if the evidence alone does not convict, do not convict on the strength of your, independently or collectively held, convictions, wishes, whims or desires.
There is right and there is wrong and an unjust punishment is a wrong forever.
And for MY sake Stop stoning, beheading or hanging people! It's barbaric!
You're not two-year-olds! Stop having tantrums!When you feel offended by one of my creations, don't just spit the dummy and beat the shit her or him!
Give them a stern shouting at, fine them, imprison them, but find more civilised ways of resolving your disputes.
It is an offence in my eyes when you bow and fawn and pray! Stop it, you cringe-worthy sycophants!
Nothing can be changed by it!
My judgements of your lives are based solely on the way you play the hand I dealt you.
Stop praying and start playing!
And what's with all the wailing? I've got you Muslims screaming up a storm five fuckin' times a day with your obscenely dictatorial 'calls to prayers'.
Call to prayer! How very fucking fascist of you!
And then, to cap it off, I've got you Christians wailing at me every weekend!
I dunno - you work hard, you pay your taxes and just try to have a nice, peaceful Sunday, relaxing in the garden with a fine single malt and, regular as a pulsar, Mrs Brown and her posse of fondant-fancy hats start their caterwauling!
For an HOUR!
Quit it!Furthermore, for those of you thinking "Okay, I'll just keep my beliefs to myself"...
It's MY Sunday too!
It is an offence in my eyes for you to think about me.
Stop it; it's bloody annoying!
Consider the actors on your telly. What would it be like if every so often they all, individually, took a sneaky peek directly at the camera; every once in a while they'd each stop acting and peer, as if they were trying to see you? That would be a bit spooky at first, right? Well, it's amazing how quickly 'a bit spooky' turns into a blood-boiling irritation! It'd put you off watching the story, eh?
Well, that's what it's like for me when you keep thinking about me and my ways!
I didn't create everything so you could ruin it for me!
So, in summation, for those who need it...
All who continue in the false, fraudulently authored ways will incur my displeasure.
And, after witnessing the intolerant consequences of your imaginings of my displeasure,
I am fully aware that you are fully aware that royally pissing me off is unlikely to be a thing you want! ALL powerful, y'know!
Okay; that'll do. I don't think I'll need to contact you again. Keep rockin', you're doing fine, except for all the tediously primitive, magical, religious mumbo jumbo. See you at the finish line for the debriefing. Oh and don't worry about heaven and hell too much, they're just seasoning your ancestors added to the mix.
Your invisible granddad in the sky.(Some of you know me as God)
P.S. Be nice to animals! If I do eventually decide to create an afterlife, I'll make it so animals get to crap in the slippers of all those who were crap to them! :D No, not really; just kidding.
Be nice though, it's just nicer!
Ooh and remember; consider spray-cream!
What reason do we have to conclude that the previously 'received words' (Baghavad Gita/Torah/Bible/Qur'an etc) are from a/the god(s) but those above are not?
Please leave a comment - Anything will do
The best communications are often,
THREE WORDS OR LESS
OR ONE OR MORE FINGERS!
The best communications are often,
THREE WORDS OR LESS
OR ONE OR MORE FINGERS!